Feeling Drained? Eight Types of Hidden Work That Leave Women Overwhelmed

Feeling Drained? In today’s fast-paced world, women often carry an invisible, yet overwhelming, burden: the mental load. This is the cognitive effort required to keep a household functioning smoothly—planning meals, managing schedules, remembering birthdays, organising childcare, and even researching fun activities.

Professor Leah Ruppanner, a sociologist at the University of Melbourne and author of Drained, explains that the mental load isn’t just one type of work. Instead, it spans eight different categories, many of which are boundaryless and ongoing. Even as men take on more household responsibilities, women still shoulder most of this hidden work, leading to chronic stress and burnout.

Recognising and understanding these eight types of mental load is the first step toward redistributing responsibilities, improving mental health, and fostering more equitable relationships.

The Eight Types of Mental Load

Ruppanner’s research shows that mental load isn’t limited to day-to-day chores—it encompasses emotional, relational, and strategic thinking that women perform around the clock.

1. Life Organisation

This is the most traditional form of mental load, including scheduling, planning, and managing daily household tasks. It’s the invisible work that keeps everything running smoothly.

2. Emotional Support

Women often monitor the moods and feelings of family, friends, and colleagues, providing emotional care and support as needed. This constant emotional thinking can be draining and unending.

3. Relationship Hygiene

Maintaining connections with children, partners, extended family, and friends falls under this category. Much like networking at work, it ensures social bonds remain strong and people feel loved and supported.

4. Magic-Making

Creating memorable moments and traditions—birthdays, holidays, or special family rituals—requires planning and emotional labour. This “magic making” often falls on women, adding to their mental burden.

5. Dream-Building

This involves supporting loved ones’ ambitions and interests, such as enrolling children in extracurricular activities or facilitating a partner’s hobbies or career development. Women often juggle their own needs with nurturing others’ aspirations.

6. Individual Upkeep

This goes beyond self-care. It includes maintaining physical health, mental wellbeing, and the appearance expected by societal norms—all while ensuring it doesn’t negatively impact household or family life.

7. Safety

Women often think ahead about the safety of their loved ones, communities, and environments. Certain groups, such as people of colour or families with disabilities, experience an even higher mental load related to safety concerns.

8. Meta-Care

This abstract but crucial category involves big-picture thinking, reflecting on whether one is creating a life aligned with personal values. Examples include parenting intentionally, planning family finances strategically, or shaping the household culture.

Feeling Drained? How the Mental Load Affects Women

Using a mental load burnout scale, Ruppanner found that most mothers operate at a chronic energy deficit, always holding enough mental energy for emergencies but rarely having capacity for personal opportunities or self-care. In contrast, fathers generally maintain a positive energy balance.

“Women were socialised from birth to be kind, polite, caring, and giving, often at the expense of themselves,” Ruppanner notes. “This leads to chronic exhaustion and a sense of invisibility.”

The effects of mental load aren’t just emotional—they can affect productivity, relationships, and long-term wellbeing, leaving women drained and feeling like there’s never enough time for themselves.

Strategies to Lighten the Mental Load

Ruppanner suggests several approaches to reduce overwhelm:

• Recognise limits: Understand that you are not responsible for everyone else’s feelings or for creating perfection at home.
• Prioritise strategically: Determine when emotional support or problem-solving is truly necessary versus when it can wait or be shared.
• Invest in self-care: Small acts of self-prioritisation—like taking a weekend off or outsourcing tasks—can significantly reduce stress.

In a pilot study, Ruppanner gave women money specifically to reduce their mental load. Many initially hesitated to spend it on themselves, instead giving it to family. However, those who did invest in themselves experienced a noticeable reduction in mental strain and a mindset shift toward self-prioritisation.

“One woman spent the money on a weekend away. Being absent allowed her to detach from household worries, and when she returned, her partner had handled chores in her absence,” Ruppanner explains.

Why Understanding Mental Load Benefits Everyone

Addressing mental load isn’t just about women—it’s about building more equitable households and healthier relationships. When women are empowered and supported:

• Household responsibilities are more balanced.
• Partners can engage more meaningfully in family life.
• Women can participate fully in the workforce without the cognitive burden of invisible labour.

By recognising and actively managing the mental load, families can foster better communication, fairness, and wellbeing for all members.

Key Takeaways

1. The mental load consists of eight overlapping types: life organisation, emotional support, relationship hygiene, magic-making, dream-building, individual upkeep, safety, and meta-care.
2. Chronic mental load can lead to burnout, stress, and depleted energy reserves.
3. Recognition, strategic prioritisation, and self-investment are essential to reducing invisible burdens.
4. Sharing household responsibilities benefits not just women, but families and society at large.

“Empowering women isn’t just for their benefit—it’s for all of us,” Ruppanner concludes.

Take a moment to map out your mental load. Identify which tasks are draining you and explore ways to share, outsource, or simplify them. Prioritising yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential for long-term wellbeing and a happier household.

Source: BBC.com

Also read: Dopamine Explained: Why the Brain’s “Pleasure Chemical” Is Often Misunderstood